Is This What It Means To Be Alive?



  Is this what it means to be alive

  As I lay face down in seclusion it all seems clear

  Wanting to love is the only thing that I truly fear

  Though my heart beats loud, proud and strong

  It is often exposed, hastily on my tattered sleeve

  And it has barely clung on there for far too long

  Enduring more pain than any limb could believe

  But this is what it means to be alive?

  Or is it what you need to survive?

  I abide by the laws of being a loving man,

  I find myself enjoying passion while I can

  But it never lasts, there is something wrong.

  ‘It’s not you is me’ and other lines are fed to me

  Is it really me? Where does my heart really belong?

  Is it the hands of another or broken in front of me?

  But is this what it means to be alive?

  Or is it what you need to survive?

  The darkness makes its way inside once more

  And wraps the chains around the iron door

  Keeping the pain inside so that I never forget

  How I felt when who I loved, had loved another

  And how I knew that there could be others

  Is a cutting feeling that I cannot ever regret

  For it will soon make my heart beat stronger

  If this is what it means to be alive

  Then I will survive…

  Stars

  What if the sun turned into a shooting star

  And gave us one last wish to have,

  And you and I were the only ones that saw it.

  Would you go back and relieve the past?

  Would you travel to some place so far

  That the end of time would just quit?

  We only have seconds until the sun's burn

  Will reach us here on this small bench

  The smell of summer fills my lungs

  As I look at the expanding fire ball

  Just dont hold it against me

  Please dont hold it against me,

  Throw away all of your concerns.

  Because what I would wish for most

  Is to enjoy this moment we're in.

  Free from sadness and daily lies.

  Just a shooting star in your eyes

  One that shines brighter than any star

  Brighter than moon and even mars.

  Id stay in this moment forever

  Because I finally feel like im free

  From all of hardships of life.

  Smiles happiness and laughter

  Is all that I'll ever really need

  And I know I have it here with me.

  Hello my name is roundabouts

  I am never looking back,

  I am never going home,

  I can’t keep pretending.

  I know that I have seen better days.

  Now that I’m at the end of my rope

  With desire, people and life itself.

  I know that I will have to find a way.

  Find a way to make this all work,

  To jumpstart my journey

  and to stop it from ending.

  All I have is hope and fire

  that is all I will need.

  To thrive and succeed.

  World war machine

  Welcome to the last night of brimstone

  Where who we know have burnt alive

  The terror spreads like a disease

  And the last of us await the effects

  It twists and turns the good souls

  And buries them in black holes

  Leaving only the stone eyed

  The ones that forgot to feel

  The screens shout words of comfort

  While the streets bathe in cold blood

  Humanity has their marching orders

  One that is clearly understood

  Grab a gun, or grab a sharp knife

  We’re off to the edge of the earth

  Pull the trigger or twist the blade

  And know that you’ve taken a life

  Fast forward, rinse and repeat

  And let the actions just flow

  Until it is all that you know

  March forward, do not fear.

  We shall not know defeat.

  Take them away from home

  Put them on their own feet

  And teach them how to follow

  Your words unconditionally

  And the world will be yours.

  Too high to fly, too low to sink

  I would take you to the furthest moon

  To have made your broken heart whole

  I would take you somewhere beautiful

  To have made you dream once again

  I would walk across the world

  If it meant I saw you again soon

  We would talk about the old days

  And reminisce about our friends

  How we used to laugh and play

  I wished it would never end

  I know that I can’t see you.

  But I can still feel you here.

  The smell of your long hair,

  And loving smile so clear

  That I will always remember

  From the warmest June

  To the coldest December

  I place my hand on the slab

  And read the quote out loud

  ‘Never alone, in loving memory’

  But they are just words to me

  Because things are different

  And not how they used to be,

  I am alone, and always will be

  Even though I’ll always deny it,

  On the outside I’m still strong

  But on the inside, it’s different.

  I no longer know who I am

  Or where it is I belong

  I wish I could go to the furthest moon

  To try and mend my broken heart again

  I wish I could go somewhere beautiful

  To try and dream once again

  I can’t walk across the world

  And I will never see you again soon

  Words

  I guess I should just hold my tongue

  When it comes to being in love.

  Words have more effects than

  A thoughtful kind gesture.

  I must keep saying the wrong ones

  Because they always drive you away

  But I am running out of words to say.

  So with the few words I have left

  I will get the order correct

  Like some divine act from above.

  Then we will share everything

  And you will never go away

  Then I will know what it feels like

  When someone says I’m the one.

  The trouble with life after death

  i.

  The night is cold and calm

  On this December evening,

  My eyes become heavy

  As the warmth takes me

  Away in a dream so free

  That I never want waken.

  The screeching car alarm

  Disrupts my sleeping,

  Cries echo in the streets

  And smoke greets me

  I open the front door

  To see the forsaken

  I raise my shaking arm

  To block out the lighting,

  There’s blood at my feet

  Whose blood could it be?

  Was it a friend or stranger?

  And where were they taken?

  What has caused this harm?

  Why are the people running?

  I feel a cold gr
ip on my shoulder

  And a sharp pain in my neck

  I shake off a wounded man

  With eyes, vacant and white

  ii.

  The warm familiar flow of blood falls down.

  I grip my fresh wound in anger and confusion,

  The man turns his head almost right around

  And slumbers back at me for some more.

  I frantically step inside and slam the door.

  I hear thudding, there’s more now than before

  So I block the windows and try I hide upstairs.

  My lungs struggle to take in any air

  As I try to figure out if they’re still there.

  My legs feel exhausted and strained

  As I collapse, scared and in despair.

  The door bursts and bodies enter in

  A chorus of drones chill my soul

  For my nightmare is about to begin

  I try to beg, plead and escape my fate

  But their faces shout not mercy,

  Their faces rage and pulse with hate.

  iii.

  I can feel my eyes starting to close

  As another pound of flesh is removed,

  The smell of death reaches my nose

  And I know that I have reached my end.

  It was something I couldn’t comprehend.

  I was a victim of the unknown evil

  That targeted me as their kill.

  I can feel my life slipping away

  My heartbeat slows right down.

  My body remains perfectly still.

  I transcend time and deep space

  And I look back on my long life

  Memories play like a film reel

  As I start to leave this place

  I become a weightless soul

  Climbing up into the sky

  Happiness awaits me now

  No more hard goodbyes

  The fear has gone and now I can rest in peace.

  I feel something pull me down

  A dark spirit clawing at me

  Then my eyes open again

  And I see things differently

  I start to sink backwards,

  Away from my paradise

  And back down towards

  The land of the bad vice

  I hit the ground hard

  And I can feel my skin

  Im back in my body

  But where have I been?

  iv.

  This is a part of a breakdown, where nothing makes sense

  Is the blood on my hands mine or belong to someone else?

  I don’t know how to feel inside, in fact I can’t remember

  How to feel at all, but I know I have to keep moving forward.

  But where am I walking to on this cold grim December?

  I wish I could remember, I wish that I could finally know

  Just where exactly it is that I’m supposed to go.

  Time goes by and I begin to feel the strain of malnourishment.

  I look around for any shop with something I can devour.

  A corner shop lures me in with its promise for food,

  But its contents cannot seem to begin to satisfy my hunger.

  I’m getting agitated and snappy as I approach another hour

  When I hear a footstep creek on a weak piece of wood

  I shamble and struggle to see them any way I could.

  Screams echo as a woman runs away

  I reach out to stop her, to reason.

  The upper level was quiet and still.

  I look into the bedroom to find her.

  She tries to run but I make her stay.

  I grab her by the arms and look,

  She’s crying like I’ve committed treason.

  I go to say that it will all be okay,

  But I just take a bite out of her face…

  v.

  I watch as her body convulses violently.

  Her back arches like a bridge to hell

  To cross that path is to give up hope

  And that your soul is really to sell

  That what makes you feel alive

  In order for your body to survive

  And walk the earth indefinitely.

  I see a reflection of myself in glass,

  Decayed and vacant looking

  With pieces missing on the outside

  As well as humanity now missing

  I cannot control my actions

  That is now very clear to me

  I will do whatever it takes to

  Fill that hunger satisfaction

  Though my heart no longer beats

  I will forever live on here

  A cruel curse I loathe

  But still one that I fear

  Has consumed my heart

  And force me to kill

  The innocent and feast

  Upon their warm flesh

  Like a relentless beast